Here i am, spent today in front of a computer, still browsing, gaining information and I just won't give up. I felt somehow I'm lost. Today is not a good day, at all. Not because I'm trying to move on and the memories falls apart. Again, today I just can't hold back my miserable feeling , definitely not after the doctor at Dharmais said that, "dari hasil MRI, ini bukan kista ya tapi miom. Letaknya di dinding rahim, ukurannya berdiameter 12 cm and blablabla..." I lost my focus to understand what he said. I was totally speechless and pretty sure that I've had a serious moronic expression. I felt all the things around me suddenly shrinks and I was horribly suffocated. As my soul returned to my body, all I can say is, "what is this?. God, if You were somewhere out there, i don't have anyone to talk and please listen to me. Help me." Whoa I know that's too much for an agnostic like me, I rarely pray or you may say never and suddenly something is happening to me that I have to fight all by myself and I just asked God to help me. Really,uh?
I am still hoping that I was dreaming this morning about all of this. I am hoping that the doctor's lying and I'm telling you guys a lie. Still I have to thank God, I figured this out before it's too late and the fact that the doctor wasn't making fun of me. Telling Mum is the hardest part but I passed it. My head can't stop saying,"sembuh, sembuh, sembuh. Fokus kuliah, selesaikan, lulus, kerja dan berbahagialah." Yeah, you think that's easy when I heard a voice said, "a complete woman,huh?. Keep on dreaming, Aya." I don't know should I considered it as a reminder or simply an annoying voice from nowhere. Geez God, I don't need to be perfect but I still want to be a complete woman.Happy and complete or completely happy?. Whatever.
The show must go on and this is not an ending. Can't wait to be back home and meet my mates tomorrow. Cheers!
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