It's been a while. No, actually it's been quite a long time no writing a piece or two here. I even ask myself is it that hard to write what I feel?. I was wondering what's wrong, just because I don't feel numb. I still have feelings but I just don't know where to start, to share it. I may feel worry that it will sound like total bullshit and I really don't like feeding people with bullshit posts.
As many of you knew or heard, I'm already back to Surabaya. I thank Bali so much for bunch of new friends, places and lessons. Six months and I didn't feel enough. I'm still in needs to flush my thirst being there, and planning to move to Bali as soon as I finish my thesis seems no impossible. I will, will make it happen.
Coming back to a place that I called "home," surely another surprise. Everyone hugged me so tight. They screamed my name. But I know I didn't come home for this. For people to miss me. I really thought that I'd come home for someone. I did. But apparently it is just icing on my cakes. It disappoints me, big time. Something went wrong without giving me chance to figure out what is it. Time washes all the memories away. And I suddenly have a big task to do, hang my dreams on the reverie. If you ever read this, trust me. No one ever hurt me this way. You hurt me with your silence, just because it screams goodbye. I don't do goodbyes, dear you.
Am I coming home looking for love?. I maybe am. I'm looking for love. Real love, consuming, inconvenient, can't-live-without-each-other love. But being in love, things that lingers in me are it's painful, tearful, overrated and at the end, has no meaning whatsoever. Anywho who say happily ever after, I swear to Zeus, he/she need a hard kick in the ass. I chose to be fucked up once I get attached to someone and that was the most ridiculous thing that I have done for the past 2 years. Many things could go wrong. He could die, he could leave me and so he did I guess, he could not feel the same way, he could lose feelings...There is just so much to lose when you get attached. Well, it is an honor that it was him, the one who break my devotion to not believe in love.
Aye...So it is. I had Bali for six months, filled up my lung and ran as far as I can. It was a crazy experience. I forgot when was the last time I cry ever since I came to Bali. Now, here I am. Back to the reality. I am not waking up every morning to go to work. But I'm going to war each day. Life gives you lots of chances to screw up which means you have as many chances to get it right. Besides, life is a hassle to fight, uh?.
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