Umh well...I am typing this piece without any intention that I have to write/or type it in every single year. In fact I have missed an/or skipped a year or two...but fuck, here we go.
Today is my birthday. Yup, birthday. The only occasion that I rarely celebrate. It is just as maybe I have said before that I can't find the hype, the euphoria and the joy in it. Birthday meaning you're getting a year older. Just a year, 365 days older than you were yesterday with TONS OF HOMEWORK. Questioning what's the homework?. Let me start with self improvement. A girl can hope, dream even and sometimes her dreams come true. I can hope and dream that I can be better the day after my birthday for days or years ahead. But what is hope and dream without knowing where are you heading?. Hope and dream were there because there's a goal. A purpose. A destination. Shall I begin?
1st , I want to be healthy by working out, eating clean while living my life to the fullest.
I should have though. I didn't sell my soul to the devil so I can be immortal with a body like Scarlet Johansson, fitness as Jillian Michaels or born as A Lady Of Healthy Eating like Michelle Obama. I need to give efforts to be them in a package. I know that I have been a wishy washy person when it come to this. I was a yoga aficionado in 2013 and back to laid back-hell-I-won't-move my body to a work out session since the result from yoga was still there in 2014. Then, I realized that my fondness towards foods and booze made my inside and out slowly shattered. I better start before I'm completely broken-not-fully-functioned. With work out and eat clean, meaning I can eat and drink and have fun more, yes?.
2nd, (if I could) I will reduce my alcohol and caffeine consumption AANNNDDD...cigarette addiction.
Thought I'm kidding?. Me too!. It's been yeaaaaarrrrsssss I have been though not really that hard trying to quit smoking and drinking alcohol and caffeine. By quit, I didn't mean completely quitting like not at all. I can diminish it but I can't quit. It's good to have those things once in a while, aite?. I found my interest in tea for the last few months actually since my colleague is a tea enthusiast. If someone asked me what's the most 3 drinks I always have in a day, I will answer: Tea, Alcohol and water. See?, a progress ;)
3rd, I need to strive on the best career for me.
I was a hotel management graduate who never thought that I won't have a career in a hospitality business. Two years ago I was this ignorant little bitch who hated working in a hotel because it's exhausting. Turned out, every job that you do/get will make you exhausted. It is not the job. It is you (I mean, me...). I, these days still of course have the passion on working in a hotel. After jumping here and there, switching the job as this and that, I should have known what I want to do and to have as my career. I know I know, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer but to be a world citizen (one thing that I strongly believe I will be someday) needs more than a courage to drop off everything that I have and pick up my backpack. I have to work in a job that I enjoy to do for a future that I aim for.
4th, finding God.
Do not ask me how but I know I will along the way. Liz Gilbert wrote "God dwells within you as you" in Eat, Pray, Love. Is it confusing you?. It's confusing me for 5 years as I can remember and that's horrible. I need God so I can put down my fears, my concerns, my prayers. I forgot when was the last time I actually prayed for something and it was actually came from my deepest heart. I don't want God in me, as me, who's a mentally broken and damaged person to be the one I can look up to. I need God as my grip 'cause I know God is the least that will leave me behind.
5th the last but not least, love harder.
to love my life, myself, my family, my friends, to love someone who deserve the love, to love people who loves me. Love is a myth for me. What I have given and showed all these years was caring with a touch of affection. I care about the people in my life, but care doesn't mean that you will be there to catch them when they fall or sacrifice something in order to make them happy or save them from something that harmed. It is love and I want to love. To have, to feel and to give. It is love that won't let me replace my beloved people. To love is to share.
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